Friday, April 5, 2013


The wizard who waves his wand and brings inanimate objects to life has a wicked sense of humor.  My truck came with a key fob that would lock and unlock the doors and set the security alarm system.  It was pretty nifty until it turned on me.  It would lie in wait until I was in a crowded parking lot to strike (humiliation works best when there is an audience).  Push the button, get into the truck; no problem.  Whammo!  The door locks would click, the screaming alarm would go off, and there I'd be, locked in the vehicle and people turning to see the woman who was obviously stealing the truck.  The only thing that didn't work was the ignition.  I couldn't flee the scene and there was no way to turn the thing off; believe me, I tried.  I was forced to sit there red-faced until "it" had had its laugh and let me go home.  When it first happened I thought it was a one-time aberration.  When it happened a second time, I took the thing off the key chain and it's darned lucky I didn't take a hammer to it before I hid it in a dark drawer, never to see the light of day again.

I was given a cute little stuffed piggy on a key chain by someone adding to my collection of pigabilia.  When the pig was squeezed in a certain way, it would sound off with long, loud squeals and hoots of maniacal laughter.  I hung the piggy on a fastener of my purse and did not squeeze it.  This object would wait until I was in the long, solemn line at the bank (see above re. audience) and then, without provocation, go into its act.  Again, there was no way to stop it until the last giggle died away.  Some people laughed, and some thought I should be institutionalized.  I changed purses.

Just now I have a pair of bibbies that are smiling at my expense.  The straps on bibbies are adjustable.  Normally, once set, that's where they stay.  This pair has exceptionally long straps and I hitch them up as far as they'll go.  Slowly and without drawing attention, these straps relax their hold and stretch out.  I don't notice this until I realize that the crotch of the bibbies is hanging down around my knees and the cuffs are dragging on the ground.  If that isn't a fashion statement, I don't know what is.  Like I said, wicked.

1 comment:

Kathryn said...

It may be wicked...but oh what a visual!!!