Ticked Off

I'm mad!  If I had a solution, I'd fix the problem.  A young, bold, teenage vandal strikes at Farview nearly daily, and he does it in broad daylight!  I've seen this rapscallion myself and can give an accurate description:  about 5", 9 oz., brown hair and eyes, maybe 10" long, nose to tail.  It's possible he goes to a ground squirrel continuation school that lets out early, because he shows up here about one o'clock.  He's out of control.  It wasn't enough that he completely destroyed the lettuce crop.  I got only two of what promised to be the best and most strawberries I've ever grown.  You-know-who got the rest.  The two spindly yellow cherry tomato plants are just setting fruit.  They're spindly because he's eaten most of the leaves.  He checks frequently on the progress of the tomatoes, but I've managed to scare him away so far.  What he can't or doesn't want to eat, this hooligan destroys.  It's just pure meanness to go along the deck, throwing dirt out of pots and littering the boards.  Petunias are ragged because he nibbles the outer petals of those bright flowers.  Some days he darts from shadow to shadow and on others he will run along the rail.  I've lived in peace with colonies of ground squirrels for years.  I've tried not to complain as I stumble in their bomb pits, throw dust when mowing through their burrow mounds, or watch them gobbling down the goats' grain.  I've accommodated them by removing temptation by planting in barrels in the garden.  The only place I've asked to keep sacrosanct is the deck, off limits to all but the turkeys, hummers, and lizards, who do no damage.  So much for what I want.  I'm only human in an animal world.