Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Definitive Bibby Primer

As has been mentioned, bibbies are my uniform of the day.  Having worn bib overalls daily for many years now, I feel qualified to give some instruction to the uninitiated.  The benefits to bibbies are clear:  many pockets, long wearing, lack of tight waistband.  However, there are a few pitfalls that should be avoided, and it is in this area I feel I can be of assistance.  Every one of those many pockets must be checked before putting the bibbies into the wash.  Note:  immediately after discovery, remove the battery and smart chip from a cell phone that has been left in a forgotten pocket in the washer, leave the cell phone open and let it dry thoroughly before reinserting battery and chip.  With any luck, the phone will still work.  I have performed this experiment twice.  Unless one is decorating for Christmas, do not leave a Kleenex in a pocket, lest the entire wash come out flecked with [clean] snowflakes.  Screws, nails and staples do not require washing.

It is the custom to leave one of the two straps fastened when there is a need to drop one's drawers.  The first thing a novitiate must learn is to grab that hanging strap before it drops into the toilet.  Or else.  When getting dressed in yesterday's bibbies, be sure the still-fastened strap is on the outside of the corresponding pant leg.  If it has snuck between the legs, the bibbies cannot be pulled up, and there is a rather alarming sensation in the process. 

In winter, when it might be necessary to wear long johns or sweat pants under the bibbies, it is imperative that the inner garment be pulled up first.  If not, it will bunch at the ankles or knees and the wearer will effectively be hobbled.  Also, it must be remembered to put on sweaters, sweatshirts, etc., before pulling up the straps.  This eliminates the necessity of completely undressing in cold weather when one receives a call of nature. 

I hope these few instructions prove helpful.


Kathryn said...

OMG the mental pictues are hilarious. Now, I'm not sayin' that you are speaking from experience....but as the uninitiated, and since you are our teacher, I obviously picture you as our model and demonstrator...and you make it seem soooo very you perchance have experience???? Hahaha! Wouldn't this make a hilarious you tube schtick????? I can see (Oliver) Hardy trying to instruct Stan (Laurel) in the fine art of bibbies!!

Cally Kid said...

I have to "bookmark" this page as they are all out of bibbies here on Wake. Big Overalls should come with instructions to avoid the pitfalls you described as well as a Disclaimer that releases them of responsibility for "accidents" that result from improper use.