Not So Handy

I'm going to have to call in the big guns.  My latest attempt at handyman work didn't turn out so well.  The hose on the deck had developed a drip, indicating the faucet was not shutting tightly.  Drips are no-nos.  I hadn't paid close enough attention when I purchased a replacement faucet and bought a male-female variety when a male-male was needed so what I had was useless.  Threaded equipment is, in fact, gender specific.  Okay, on to Plan B.  It might be possible to stop the drip by cleaning the existing faucet.  Steve had run a PVC pipe from the water line at ground level downstairs up to/through the deck.  There is a shutoff valve down below.  Down the hill, turn off the water, back up the hill.  The pliers from the kitchen were not big enough to turn the faucet.  Into the house, down to the shop, get the channel-locks, up the stairs.  The hose had been attached to the faucet and the faucet to the pipe for years and neither was easy to remove, but eventually I got both separated and the mechanism cleaned.  There is a white plastic tape to wrap the fitting and prevent leaks before reinstalling a water faucet.  It is very thin and has a tendency to tangle much like cling-wrap, even though it is not sticky.  One's vocabulary becomes creative.  Faucet reattached carefully as the PVC pipe is many years old, also.  Down the hill, turn on the water, back up the hill.  A small drip, but not from the hose.  The faucet needed one more turn.  I turned it.  No drip.  A tiny, tiny spray of water from a crack in the PVC.  Down the hill, turn off the water, back up the hill.  I've watched the guys use the purplely blue stuff and the goopy glue stuff, but no way am I going to cut and replace PVC pipe.  I don't have a vocabulary big enough for that.